i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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