stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
