As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
