she smelled like a LAN party
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
