I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
