see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
