I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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