I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
