he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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