no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
