My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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