We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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