Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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