oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Randomize
