She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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