can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
