Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
