i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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