So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
