I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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