y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
