tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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