she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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