This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
