In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
