Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
