Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
