Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can tuck mytits in my pants
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
