Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
