thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
