So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
