i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
