and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
