all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
