Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
