Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm going to jail i love you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And then he peed in my hair
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
