I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
