yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
