When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
