she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
