So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
