I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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