I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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