Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would ride that face into the sunset
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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