idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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