We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
