If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
