Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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