I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
