He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
