So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
