Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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